As defined by Wikipedia: "Debridement is the medical removal of a patient's dead, damaged, or infected tissue to improve the healing potential of the remaining healthy tissue."
As defined by Diniepedia: These past few months of working with my therapist.
I'm a literal person. A visual person. A person whose imagination takes me places I can't go for really real. A person who has pretended too many times that things are not as they seem but as I want them to be. While at times, this practice has kept me safe from the brutality of reality, it has wounded me deeply and severely. It has left it's mark, as a Marilyn Manson lyric says, "This crack in my soul is almost a smile. Whatever doesn't kill you will leave a scar." Though, for the most part, I am a good person, I am also torn and tattered, dead, damaged, infected, scarred. This current course of work with my therapist feels like a debridement. I am cutting things open. I am scraping on parts of me that hurt beyond measure.
I have referred to previous spiritual growth as a snake outgrowing and shedding it's skin that no longer fits. It's painful and uncomfortable to no longer belong in your own skin, but with enough twisting and writhing, I split open and leave what no longer serves a purpose behind.
This is different. I've outgrown myself many times and am almost eager for those times in my life now. This stuff. This business of examining deep traumas that have so much scar tissue over them that a whole new callous has formed and it's ugly. I'm used to it being a part of me. I know how to wear myself to hide these inner parts of me better than I know how to utilize different clothes to hide the hail damage on my ass. I struggle for willingness to keep going, as I have grown so comfortable in the familiar pain. Why go through this when I'm honestly already a good person?
Why? Because I'm not doing this to become a better person. A friend stated last night, that I already am. I am doing this to "improve the healing potential of the remaining healthy tissue." I am doing this to become a healthier person. I can't stop now...
